It’s time to come clean. After using Stumble Upon to check out other sites, I ran across quite a few conspiracy sites. Most of them had to do with Jews. I felt a huge wave of shame overcome me. How did the truth get discovered? I am so distraught, I have decided to come clean.
The Jews are responsible for everything bad in the world. If you read every other word of our holy text the Protocols of Zion you can clearly see that we Jews founded the Illuminati alongside Bolshevism to cover up the faked moon landing.
Now stay with me here. Israel, founded by the Rothschilds, was secretly funded by the Masons, who, as an anti-Christian organization, had Jesus crucified for sell retail to the “goyim.”
Here’s where it gets scary. We killed Paul McCartney in 1966 and replaced him with an exact duplicate. Why? He knew that the aliens who landed in Roswell were Zionist slumlords trying to occupy the Navajo Nation. Of course, we are not the original Jews. We are Khazars who genetically altered our DNA to look like the Ancient Palestinian People whose land we now occupy in order to Judaize Al Aqsa , a place that has no particular connection to us whatsoever. Fact is, the real Jews are the British. Particularly the Welsh and some of the people in the East Side of Royal Tunbridge Wells.
Now, as you know, Passover is coming. Time to feast on some gentile children’s blood! In fact, my Bubbie’s recipe is as follows:
Six cups flour (all purpose)
Four cups water (do NOT take from the wells we poisoned!)
Two cups gentile blood (preferably child. It’s more fresh)
(Side note: Happy Easter to all my Catholic friends who will be feasting on the blood and flesh of Jew through transubstantiation. Bon Appetite!)
Back to the truth. As Communists we decided to set up the Federal Reserve to oppress the poor. Why? We like to keep you on your toes. We killed Kennedy, Lincoln, Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi, Mark Twain, Julius Caesar, Atlantis, bell bottoms, Arafat (well, AIDS killed him, but we gave him the young infected boy) and finally Abel (we traveled back in time for that one). Jimmy Hoffa is buried in Tel Aviv (AKA occupied Palestine.)
My uncle Abe worked at the hospital in Hawaii where Obama was born. Frequently he would destroy birth certificates just IN CASE they would want to run for office when they were adults. Boy, was he a forward thinker!
We are Communists and yet we are greedy Capitalists. We are racist and xenophobic and yet we forced the Civil Rights Movement and desegregation on the South. We are all of European stock, even our brothers and sisters from Yemen and Ethiopia. We are clannish and hate all gentiles though we are Masonic an organization that teaches brotherhood among all men.
Last but not least: We flew all the planes into the Twin Towers after the secret message was sent out for all Jews to stay home on 9/11. We behead infidels. We riot in the street. We openly declare that we want to subject the world to
Sharia Halacha. We blow up Buddha statues. We destroy Hindu Temples. We occupy Mecca and Medina and refuse to let Muslims worship at their holiest site and deny their connection to the land. We kill our daughters when they date. We chop off the hands of thieves.
Thanks for listening. I feel so much better now!